Adulting: You can always feel it. You usually shouldn’t act on it.
Self-pity isn’t really a thought, it’s an emotion. And while life would be a lot simpler if we could just elect not to have a given feeling, emotions just sort of are. They are mental weather. Some are better; some are worse, but they’re all temporary and you’d usually do well to put on a scarf if it’s cold out.
But there’s a difference between feeling sad/bad/mad and feeling self-pity. Self-pity implies that you don’t deserve whatever is happening to you … which, of course, you probably don’t.
The things that make us really sad are not usually consequences of things we’ve done. The passage of time, desire for a life that is outside one’s ability to obtain, unrequited love — these things happen to all of us, and none of us “deserve” them. In this way, feeling self-pity about a given situation is not a lot more meaningful than feeling angry that you can’t breathe underwater. It would be so fucking great if we could! But we can’t.
You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch.
Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. You personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.
There were no sex classes. No friendship classes. No classes on how to navigate a bureaucracy, build an organization, raise money, create a database, buy a house, love a child, spot a scam, talk someone out of suicide, or figure out what was important to me. Not knowing how to do these things is what messes people up in life, not whether they know algebra or can analyze literature.
Good morning tumblr…I’ve been thinking about putting together a (somewhat) personal tumblr. A place to show my life, work, interest, sketches, etc. in a more condensed format. Kind of like the world around me from a guy in a wheel chair…I assure you it will be another subset of apostrophe9…John
Thank you so very much. I just hit 10,000 followers (Number 10K: nightsblueberry.tumblr.com). I started apostrophe9 as a way to document my thoughts of a life style in images and very few words. I had no idea it would take off as it did. Again, I am so greatful for all the support and love I’ve been given by the tumblr community…. With Peace/Love/Style…John
He didn’t need tattoos all over his body, he didn’t need carefully crafted facial hair, he didn’t need a fashion consultant, he didn’t need to pose, he didn’t need props, he didn’t need a group of guys to tell him how great he was. No entourage, not tough guy talk, no bragging, no nothing. He was just cool, period. - George Carrara